Opening the blog back up. No more password. At least for now. Not sure where any of it is going. Guess none of us do. But in this moment, no more password. Not much blog either :) but for now, no gate.
A month ago: Packed up the apartment. (Thank god for my sister and her insistence that she help.) Finished up at Hiveworld, and Cubicleland. Packed up the truck. (Thank god for the folks who came and helped that Wednesday night - the truck looked like the Beverly Hillbillies by the time we were done)
Now we're in Chapel Hill. Two weeks on the job already. Joined a local CSA - Coon Rock Farm. Discovered the magic that is Trader Joe's.
The urge to write has mostly left me. And I understand that what motivated me to write was the need to explain myself, the need to have echos come back to me from you folks. The folks that vibrated Yes at me I felt love for. The folks that vibrated No I felt revulsion for. But it was all about the same fear of not being seen. And not writing is also about not needing the response, and witnessing as the emotional vibrations coming from the blog have less impact on the consciousness that is "me".
Everything that's going on right now is about dropping the drama, about letting go of the need to create exciting stories, even much like I used to - cobbling together enough bits of Wow from my living, stitching them together to make an exciting weave of living so as to make a meaningful blog post.
Maybe writing will come back. Maybe I'll just come here to leave paragraphs.
I've been tweeting a few times a day. Tiny bursts of Yes from this story.
But other than that, just breathing, doing lots of energywork on my body, mind, heart. Doing energywork on the kitties. Breathing some more. Beginning to truly drill down and address the No that is caught inside of "me".
In terms of Waking Up, it feels this is the part where a person drops the Waking Up push. There's nothing to push for. It's about letting go. Dropping. Stopping. Breathing and releasing. Letting Life do the work.
The mental gravel that remains is clear. It's in such stark contrast to the Yes that quietly has become the predominant backdrop. It makes the No show up as so much more disharmonious. But instead of some big effort to Tune The Disharmony, a great throwing of money and time and effort at transforming the No into a vibration of Yes, there is only this: stop humming the No. That's it. Close the mouth. And breathe . . .
And okay, some pictures :)