(and because they haven't said howdy to you folks in a while, gratuitous weasel pics at the end of this post!)
I had an epiphany on the acupuncturist's table Friday afternoon that writing is what this being has used and still needs to keep flow occurring in heart and mind, saw so utterly clearly that in this personality, writing is medicinal, and that without it, the sh*t, the waste, the No tends to build up inside, creating blockages - much like an unwashed cut is more likely to become infected.
And continuing with that metaphor, what's really occurring is an overhaul of the immune system than powers this body-mind-heart. Instead of turning to pharmaceuticals to create a sensation of health, the focus has been moved to diet, exercise, content of actions and duties that make up the daily life.
Okay, it's not just metaphor, that's what's really happening. Instead of energy being spent on formulating a career - public health, holistic or otherwise - or maintaining a blog based on keeping readers engaged, or maintaining relationships to cultivate friendships or soulmates or mentors or mentees - energy is building up inside, not in height, but in depth. Energy that normally would be extending outward to keep all sorts of life components going, is being used to clear the decks of No down to the wood grain.
And yet there is no more big push of burning, no more dramatic Torch This Muthaf*cker to The Ground. None of it matters. Whatever. And yet if presented with the choice between more pain or less pain, I choose less pain. And yet when I see an opportunity to choose more pain that leads to less pain in a fraction of the time, I'm still taking it, much like during the time of big torching.
Like acupuncture. Really good, authentic acupuncture. The kind that hurts in a way that causes shrieking, deep inside the body and mind. Especially when combined with Tui Na, which is a kind of oriental/chinese medicine massage which is not unlike having muscle fiber and fascia ripped apart, which is probably not far off from what actually happens. The day after treatment, there are real bruises, and it hurts to touch even the skin, like after a car accident, or a bad beating.
And yet, the healing occurring in body and mind in its wake is astounding. Yoga hurts, too. And between the two - acupuncture and yoga - my body is becoming free again.
I'm still fat. Still in pain. But where this body is is light years from where it was even six months ago. And there is a spaciousness in the mind that allows even thorny predicaments to fall away like a sigh.
How do you free yourself? It really is about just saying no to drama. That's such a buzzword - drama. But it is a real symptom of western living. And you really can opt out of it. How do you opt out? Just say no.
Why don't you just say no to drama? Is it because there is some belief inside of you that says you're suppose to deal with it, or accept it, or not walk away, or that you have to because it's a boss or neighbor or child or mate or friend, and this is how a good person is with these sorts of people?
Why do you have to not walk away from these people, either as a one-way walk away or simply a walk-away in the moment? Is it because you believe these people give you, provide you with something - a physical or emotional or mental resource - that you can't live without?
But is this true? Do you really need what they offer, or is that you keep waiting for them to cough up their end of the bargain but they never do, or never to the degree they've promised or you expected? Or is the resource just another one of western culture's shell games, delusions? Like 99% of Face*book or country clubs or hobbies or the "food" in grocery stores or the "medicine" doled out in doctor's offices?
And what is walking away? It's genuinely saying adios mutherf*cker, sure, but at its simplest it's saying No Thank You, and watching as the other person finally, finally understands that they won't be receiving what they're demanding, and they get bored or peeved or whatever and they wander off to find someone else, someone who wants to do the drama dance in the same twitchy, frenetic, howling way they want to, too. Or in stilettos, or with this season's fashions, or in full face makeup, or while chanting the right tone of Om.
And does this mean that we have to be selfish assholes who refuse to help anyone else? Or does it mean that, in the moment, we have to listen to the energy, and then follow what it says, be it move closer or move away, regardless of what mores or rules or shoulds are squeezing our minds and hearts?
Can you see the commonality, the through-line in this post? Can you hold the seeming dichotomy up to the light of your brilliant beam of discernment and see the truth in that ray of Yes?
Can you see how it changes your living forever? Can you see it's the only tool of enlightenment you really need? Can you see how this world would utterly transform if we all just started walking away from the buttheads, just collectively said No Thanks?
You want to change the world? Then do it in a way that you absolutely can do today, most likely in the next few minutes. Just say No Thanks to a butthead. Just opt out of someone's screeching drama. Just take a deep breath and allow yourself to put down that action you're pushing yourself to engage in because you think you should, or because you're afraid you'll miss out on something.
Absolutely do what Life is beaming Yes at you around. Push through the pain if you know it's about breaking through scar tissue. But seriously, it really is okay to just say no to a bad time.
How do you tell the difference? I have great faith in you. You'll figure it out . . .
