“Honey, you need to be a little more gentle with that. You're going to choke me on that thing.”
“Baby, I'm sorry. I got a little excited.”
“Seriously. You're really big. You should have made me sign a waiver.”
“Ha-ha, very funny,” he said.
“I'm serious,” I said.
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am.”
“You women are taught to say that.” He reached over and put me in a headlock.
“We are not,” I said, enjoying being squeezed between his delicious bicep and tricep.
“To make us feel better.”
“You're calling me a liar, Señor Bratwurst?”
“You’re trying to pump me up,” he said.
“I’m trying to keep you from suffocating me. Like now.”
“Yeah, right,” he said, still not getting it, but releasing my head.
I poked him in the chest. “Raphael, you need to wake up and smell the triple cappuccino. You are Home of The Whopper. You need to come to terms with it or seek professional help for your delusions of lack of grandeur.”
“Maybe your perspective is off.” He grabbed my finger, turned it into a popsicle.
“It is not. I’ve been with lots of guys with large penises and trust me, yours is a big one.”
He pulled my finger out of his mouth. “I didn’t need to hear all that.”
“You were the one who brought up perspective. I needed to compare and contrast to make my point.”
“Admit you have a big one.”
“You need to stop.” He was getting embarrassed.
“Say it. Say ‘I am Raphael The Huge and I admit it to the world!” I said rolling on top of him, pinning his arms above his head. “Say it!”
“So, you're saying I’m endowed.”
“El Grande, Raphael.”
“And it's not opinion but fact.”
“Super huge. Deluxe. King size. Extra, extra large. Jumbo! Not just width but girth, I tell you, girth!” I yelled, bouncing up and down on him.
Have at it. And have yourself a super chill holiday, too. Don't forget to drop the No and just say yes to the Yes. :)