Having a blog like the kind of blog I have has it's serious challenges. Crazy people send crazy emails, for years on end, using 17 different email addresses because I keep putting blocks on whatever they send. Then they try and friend me on Face*book. Judgmental people send judgmental emails telling me how nutz and fruitz I am, and how fabulous they are, how they've figured it all out, and did they mention how fabulous they are because if I'd just be like them, I wouldn't be so nutz and fruitz. Then they get fired and can't find another job and lose their home and have to move in with their Catholic parents Frank and Doris and go to mass with them every morning at 6 a.m. Or they have a nervous breakdown and end up on a ward for two months and not getting the fun drugs but the drugs that make you twitch and drool and want to eat cheetos. Or their closeted gay husband absconds with their adopted chinese child and all their cash for a financier named Javier, or . . . okay now I'm just making sh*t up.
But the point is: we are all nutz and fruitz. Every single one of us. Enlightened guys and gals get in awful car crashes, get cancer and kick the bucket even after treatment. They die of heart attacks in the middle of the night, get Alzheimer's and slowly fade away into the mists of their mind. They go bankrupt, are married to buttheaded men. They have unruly dogs with anger issues. And these are the enlightened folks! What can that possibly say about those of us who are just waking up? Or about the folks who are psychic, holistic practitioners, healers? Are we perfect? Do we have it all figured out? Is that what gives us the right to show others what's happening in their lives? Give guidance? Do we have to have it going on from all 360 degrees in order to help alleviate pain be it emotional or physical?
And in case that wasn't clear enough: Heck freakin absof*cking strip down nekkid run screaming through a Thai fusion restaurant NO.
(okay so maybe green tea does offer a little hitch for a giddy up)
For the past year or so, I've been obsessed with this very issue. How healers and psychics and enlightened folks are human. We are in human form. We have bodies. We have karma or are at least still in the game. Sh*t still happens. And hiding it, trying to pretend that it doesn't, is downright evil in my book. Because it encourages folks who are honestly struggling, who come to us for help, for assistance, to feel Less Than, to view themselves as broken or damaged or dumb or unspiritual, to set healers up as a bastion of what they need to change themselves into if they want to feel safe and whole and okay.
Of course, the bottom line is that folks don't want to go to folks who just talk about it, they want folks who have done it successfully. People don't want elegant concepts and theories and protocols, they want what works. But the thing is, none of us have all the answers. The only answers are inside of each individual. It's their soul work, and theirs alone. All any of us healer folk can ever do is assist. I don't care if you're Deepak Chopra or the top rated Cancer Clinician or Carrot Top: all we can do is assist a person in their process. Period.
And here's what I really really need to say: because of the lack of transparency in the holistic fields, and in all health fields - western med included of course - we are much less helpful than we could be. Because folks miss out on what it all looks like, how it all plays out on a day to day basis, what healing looks like while it's in motion. Because it's messy, and often painful and full of apparent setbacks, and comes with all sorts of gifts like shame and anger and very scary colon action.
I get why we do it: we want folks to come to us for help, so that we can genuinely be of assistance, and we know that being human doesn't negate this. But with the way our culture currently is, we're encouraged to see sick and old and unpretty as repulsive and frightening. And if we show up as robustly healthy, and effortlessly youthful, and good-gene-blessed gorgeous, more folks will pay us, and more folks will seek us out. And the cycle of bullsh*t, the shell game of what healing really is, continues.
I don't want people to be like me. I think that whatever the heck got programmed into me - be it dna or karma or brain chemistry or whatever - is definitely not the way to go if you have other choices. For the entirety of my life (this go around if you're into reincarnation theory) Life has kicked my heart, mind, and spirit eight ways from Albuquerque. And I am grateful for it. I wouldn't change a dang thing. Because the truth is, genuine healing comes with tremendous gifts. It comes with the ability to see, really see what's going on. It comes with the ability and know how and cojones to opt out of the faux, to see the false advertising for what it is, and to just say no to a bad time no matter how cleverly it's disguised as a good time.
I often feel lonely out here, hanging my splayed panties and holey socks and t-shirts with the rip in the armpit out on the front lawn for all to see. But it's worth it. Because transparency is the way to go. I know it with all my heart and both of my ovaries. And whatever the challenges and costs I'll be here doing my best to let folks see what the real deal is.
Do you know of anyone else out there really, truly doing the transparency dance? Not the nice-nice shaping of stories, but the real deal? If you do, please feel free to list their names and website addresses.
I just found one yesterday. And she's lovely: Kate Strong.