I leave in a few hours for a job interview for an office in the middle of nowhere.
I did a lot of praying this weekend. Prayers that my self/ego/mind gets knocked out of the way sufficiently so that the way I need to head is more clear. Prayers that the way through be made more obvious. Because I've been feeling a big shift coming for the past few months and I'm not sure which way to go.
And so Monday morning I went in to work to find a voicemail from the big boss. Giving me a time and day for an interview with an office I'd decided was too far out in the middle of nowhere, an office that I'd checked in with two of my pals who are psychic who'd not been very encouraging about. The voicemail also said that he'd contacted another big boss and had found out they'd just changed the rules for promotions, and now only employees who'd been with the Cubicleland system for more than two years would have preference, which meant that any of us new folks would be out of the running for any of the better jobs in the better offices.
So this job in the middle of nowhere? This might be the only opportunity.
I don't know if I want it. Or if they'll even offer it to me once I once interview. But I do know that finances are yet again, getting precarious. (And Cubicleland does not pay for relocation expenses.) Even as I still struggle with all sorts of health stuff. (Which are greatly eased if I could just stop eating.)
All I can think about is how the possibilities seem endless, but on the other side won't be at all.
I could turn down or blow this interview/job, and then get one of the two offices interviewing in a few weeks, offices that are in beautiful towns on gorgeous land close to big cities with health food stores and indian restaurants and health care options. Or I could turn down this job and this is it - no more eligibility.
I could turn down or not interview for any of these jobs, and wait and see til July of 2011 when my current contract is up. But with finances getting freakier by the day, this seems illogical.
I could take what's left of my dwindling savings and simply move to the area of NC where all the public health jobs, jobs with starting salaries 5-10 K above what I'm making now. But supposedly public health job competition is intense because the current economic stuff means budget cuts, and public health is way way at the back of the funding line. And trying to go to interviews There while I still live Here has seriously not been working. But I only have enough money to last a month, so if I moved without a job, it would be a crazy leap of faith and/or stupidity.
But it starts with today. With this interview. The interview that my big boss basically stuck his neck out for for me to get, talking with the big boss of that office, with the really big boss, and acting as a go between and a reference.
Who knows? I don't. But I'm the only one who will eventually know. No one from outside of me can ever do anything but say what they see, based on whether it would be good for them or not. I'm on my own. And I know I've never been anything but.
Life, what you want, I want too . . .