A couple of things struck me and struck me hard when I watch this video. The first is a dream I had back in early 2005. The dream has stayed with me in the years since. I remember the dog, the shamans, the journey to the "center of the earth". I remember the amethyst and pearl necklace, and I remember the pain, the sacrifice. I remember acknowledging that huge shifts were coming, and that my job was to collect some of the things we needed to bring forward with us.
I know without a doubt that the dream was real. And I also wonder if this makes me delusional and arrogant, one of those garden variety loonies who believe themselves to be All That and the next jesus. I know I'm just a person, a fringe dwelling loner with two decades of holistic practice and a master's degree in public health, spending weekdays 8-5 as a social worker, and weekends showing folks how to navigate shamanic reality, a 44-year old woman currently navigating anxiety related health problems (diagnosis on Wednesday was ulcers and Irritable Bowel Syndrome, both of which fabulously translate as "crazy in the colon").
But I also know that I am something much much larger than this, not as in Faboo, but as in behind all this life-describing stuff lies a Great Vast Nothing, shimmering with dark and silence and Yes, that causes the kitties to all climb on top of me and purr, and the leaves on the trees outside the window to seemingly reach out and vibrate Yes, and my life to fall away, and I neither miss it nor long for it's return, just watch and engage as the remainders begin to smoke from impending flames.
Another thing that hit me was how the healer in the video was adamant about no publicity, taking no personal credit for what he did, and how when he crossed this, he had dreams of intense admonishment. In the past couple of years, I've gotten so incredibly clear that I'm merely facilitating something, that I'm a sort of extension cord for folks who don't quite have the reach yet. Just like the western meds are buying me some time and energy to right what is imbalanced, I offer folks a big dose of Yes to help them kickstart their own. Faux humility is one of the most arrogant masks of ego, and I use to live in that faux humility. The past few years adroitly beat that out of me. And if I step even a single toe into either pride or faux humility, Life helpfully punches me, hard, and I yet again discover that being kicked to the ground is wonderful grounding.
And as I watched this video, I also got that there are thousands of us, thousands and thousands of us, that are connected in, off on these deep solo paths, who have cut away from the pack, still running alongside, but soon, soon, if we're very lucky, will get to head off over the cliff, ghost wolves flying in the midnight sky.
But enough gum flapping. Here's the video. It's a doozy . . .