. . . joy . . . so very much Yes . . . I know part of it's the drugs . . . that because of them there isn't any pain . . . just a floaty kind of sensation . . . but it's more than that . . . it's the perfection of everything . . . how Life came together to create something so beautiful that I was allowed to participate in, to show me that when instead of turning away from the fear, I enter into it, and open my eyes as wide as I can, I can see what Life wants for me next, not because it's logical or lovely, but simply because it's what Life wants.
The point of all this isn't about whether this would have turned into invasive cancer if I hadn't have had surgery, because maybe it never would have, or maybe it still will. But this experience, this experiment in trust, of trusting the vibration of expansive for Yes and contractive for No inside of me, this watching of how Life showed me in the reflections outside of me, what was and wasn't possible based on money, and relationships, and work is the bomb. Seriously. Hilariously.
I can't get over how lucky I feel . . . how wondrous this all is . . . how incredibly taken care of I am . . . body, mind, spirit, heart . . . and how it all began when I followed that directive last October, after The Hoon died, and I got that directive, to take the cubicleland job, when at that time in my living, there was nothing more horrific than an 8-5 job, and in that place with hollering people, and terrible air, and where I had to face down the demon that was my ego, but how I didn't know any of that at the time, only knew that I was in Hell, and that somehow it was a hell of my mind's making. But I trusted. My heart was so broken, that I trusted the directive, and I kept trusting. And now look at it all! So much love . . . so much Yes . . . so much hilarity in it all . . .
. . . and maybe witnessing this story that is "Kate", maybe watching this opened up something in you guys, too. . .
. . . as I've been going through this little experiment in the little corner of the universe that "I" inhabit, I find these periods where there is so much Yes going on that I feel it spilling out of me, out and over and toward, and I smooch kitties and send emails and write and twitter . . . so much Yes . . . for all . . .