I'm so incredibly tired. Spent all Wednesday on the couch. Too tired last night to go to the after work get together my coworker and I planned for the rest of the office. I watch as regret skitters thru my mind about the interview I blew off, the workshop I cancelled. My body aches with the leftovers of all the drugs that have cruised thru it the past couple of weeks. Sleep is restless, uneasy. After many weeks of folks being super nice to cancer girl, folks are back to being buttheadish. The surgical wound feels like exactly what it is. My hair hurts. I miss The Hoon.
This is the part where after the big shift comes the backlash. I don't write about it much as obviously it just comes across as complaints, and what's the point of complaints? But as I lay in bed this morning, Malcolm and Emmaline both laying on top of my face like a death snood, I realized that this is very much a part of the process, the Down after the Up of the drama. Because any part of being invested in any aspect of the story is drama, and after drama is the letdown, and that's simply the deal until the drama is done and there is no more drama.
So just one more day in Hiveworld, then two days off to do I don't know what. Can't really move around too much. Body doesn't like too much movement right now. But too much couch is causing my ass to spread at a rapid rate and my heart to be saddened by too much tv.
I guess this is the next phase of it. Never know how it's gonna roll. Just gotta go with it. And be thankful for kitties and juice and snuggle weather and ripping movies off of side*reel from the comfort of my home . . .
All hail the Yes. Even when it sure feels like No . . .