Listening to "Planet Pootwaddle dot com" via itunes.
Home from teaching the Integral Health Plan class. I've taught a form of the subject matter before, but never as a stand alone class, and not in it's current form, which I just put together over the past couple of weeks. It was a small group, three people, but all different in perspectives, in what they brought - one was a grade school teacher, one was a yoga instructor, the other an insurance claims manager. The first was from Russia, the second a retired American, the third from South America. All were female, all were lively and open and curious and hilarious and bright.
I made $25 a person class fee. This is what the area will bear in terms of class fee. I could charge more but for this area I then make it a class for the wealthy-reality and/or-mind-set, which I simply find appalling so that's that. I paid ~$20 to the holistic center - they take 25% of class fees. After subtracting handout costs, I made about $45, which doesn't include my advertising, travel, and office costs, etc. (Last week's Medical Intuition class had nine attendees and cleared $170 before admin costs.) I put in about 10 hours to launch a new class. Another four or so for the actual class - set up, pre-talking, teach, follow up questions, close down. Yet it goes so far beyond what I net. I do what I can to make a living. Yet something else is going on, so I keep on doing it.
Switched the itunes radio to "Secret Agent Radio". Hmmmm. Kinda frothy and mysterious.
It's been a really busy few weeks. Designing and planning classes takes a lot of energy. I've done six or or seven new ones the past six weeks or so. I come up with an idea (i.e. something about herbs and supplements), then I have to research it (what ten different herbs/supplements do I want to teach about? what are the best sources of info for them?), then plan out the framework of the class (bring in samples of all of them, speak of them from a lifting energy through toning organs and systems and detoxing perspective), then create handouts, exercises, maybe add in visuals of pics, charts, have there be some sort of "worksheet" so the attendees can personalize the class. Then create the packets, which are folders that have the handouts, the charts, plus flyers on upcoming classes, personal sessions I do. Or there might be extra stuff included. If it's a shamanic journeying class, I include a drumming cd. For the Health Plan class tonight, I included a Daily Health Checklist, which took all of the different pieces of the class and translated them into possible things to do each day that will raise individual lines of development. (It was too time consuming to reformat it onto the blog - if you'd like a copy in msword, just drop me an email and i'll send the file your way.)
To me the hilarious part is that because the publicity stuff (newspapers, email lists, local magazines, my holistic work website) has to be set into motion 6-8 weeks in advance, I'll often come up with a class idea, create a title and basic description, and then research, develop, and put the class together in the two or three weeks leading up to the class presentation date. It's incredibly wild to see something in print: "Integral Shamanics presents The Integral Health Plan" and know that I have only the vaguest notion of how the class will roll out. Yet :)
Okay. So why am I offering up these handouts to you guys, essentially my classes that I've worked so hard to develop and hone and use my decades of holistic knowledge and experience and and and? And on the internet where anyone can come and snag them? And why for free? Why not turn them into teleclasses or video classes or things I charge for one-on-one? Because I want to just give it away. Because the market is saturated with ridiculous amounts of offerings and how the freak does anyone paw through it to come up with a gem worthy of payment? Because I want to cultivate more energy movement in what I'm doing. Because I really want to just give this stuff to you guys.
Give it away, give it away, give it away, give it away now. Yeah.
For some of you, it's stuff you already do. For others it's totally foreign. For most of you, though, it's an expansion of things you already think about, but maybe haven't had the time to explore, or don't have something offered in the geographical area you live in, or maybe just don't have the frakkin time right now.
By posting the info, I'm not looking to make money. I put my contact and link info on the top of the handouts so that if another practitioner wants to use the info, they'll be more likely to refer back to the source. In terms of you guys, I just woke up one morning and understood that you pay me with your attention, with your time, with the energy of your awareness. And I somehow wanted to give you something in return, something of value, something more than just tales from my living. I know you guys like that tales of wild kate stuff, that it's probably mostly why you've come, why you've stayed. But I want to give you something more. Something that gets you thinking, activates not just your heart, but your mind, that spiritual apparatus that most of us are just beginning to learn how to ride.
I am going through a huge shift. Okay, yeah, I'm always going through a huge shift. It's how I'm built, a one-woman human hurricane. And this particular force of nature is changing how I make money, make a living, what I give away, and what I sell. I'm moving away from a baseline negativity, too, and learning how to live with a perception of negativity, but begin to pull away from living from the reaction.
And this blog isn't the place where I make money. I've discovered that over the past five and a half years of helming it that it's the place where I come and dance, explore, connect, play. A blog, given enough traffic, can make money, but bar a linky windfall or winning one of those blog awards, it's a systematic, very businesslike building of traffic that requires a very businesslike, systematic approach. In case you haven't noticed, it isn't very business like or systematic here :) And the few times I've tried, it has felt so claustrophobic that I've ditched it within weeks (you guys remember when I tried to make this Integral Shamanics??? :)
And yes, my focus is so on the novel right now. August is Official Finish DatingGod The Novel Month in my world. Financially, I'm at the end of my tether come September first, and yet I keep facing this bright, loving push that keeps telling me to just keep doing the holistic stuff I'm doing, finish the novel, trust that something amazing is coming. And so I trust. Even as I laugh hysterically with the knowledge that utter ruin and eviction from my apartment and non-stop calls from credit card collectors possibly looms mere weeks away. I'm okay with that.
Switched the music to a mix that I used on my roadtrip last week. Lots of Jason Mraz and Stuart Davis, Alanis Morisette and Regina Spektor, John Mayer and James Blunt, America and Liam Finn and current Joni Mitchell, Ani Defranco and Glen Hansard, Ben Lee and Daniel Lanois and the John Butler Trio. Yeah. Yes.
If an objective, modern, discerning eye were turned to my life, it would guffaw, or maybe weep with pity at the waste of potential. I'm single, broke, not using a graduate degree I paid 65 grand for. I'm overweight and often more than a little angry. I mostly isolate myself.
And yet I'm more happy and free than I've ever been.
I have a relationship with my brother and sister, more honest than it's ever been, people that I can let it all hang out with, who know my evolved side a little, but mostly know and are okay with the profound funk of my humanhood. I am extremely grateful for their continued love and wine and chat.
There's this novel that's just busting out of me in these multi-colored faceted orgasmic waves of Yesness. Does that sound fruity and masturbatory? Well it is and it's dang fun. Why else create a work of art unless you can Really Get Off? And please, when you read it, you'll get off too. And yes, my lovelies, I'm going to offer my novel up to you, too, in one way or another. (Don't harsh on me as I figure out how to work that one as I've been working on for ten dang years :)
Then there's this mad love affair I have with my cats. I know that it's supposedly strange to cop to this. And I so don't mean some sort of weird zo*ophilia thing for freaks sake. But oh the love. They hang with me, sit and purr madly for hours upon hours as I write. I read in bed at night, and they climb under the covers to lick my toes and it tickles and I giggle. They climb into my arms in the morning and snuggle me into the bright dawn of the new day. They follow me into the bathroom and give me the sparkly love look. They climb into my arms in the early afternoon and we have these intense affection sessions of kisses and connections that are about scratching fur and rubbing pelts and washing my hands and face with their scratchy tongues that ground me into a space of Here and Now.
And since we're being all frakkin honest I'll just tell you straight up: anytime a human or a tribe of humans is ready to step up and give me more lovins than these sweet fuzzballs funnel into my heart: bring it. But year after year, my felines bring the love, and the humans, not so much. Not that the humans don't love me, but that they have their own tribe of loved ones around them and me and my fuzzy guys are a little down the list.
And yet people who really know me well, my family , Kelly, know that Jacinta and The Hoon and yes still Grandma Booty, are my beloveds. I never lose the feeling of fascination as I watch my human loves cater to my kitties somehow, even as I know they would never do so for the cat or dog in their world. To me, it's just more love-in-motion, how I witness how they love me. Always wild when that happens, that proof of how people love us, the proof not in the words but in the actions . . .
And then I think about You. And about how the holistic work shifts and changes. How I keep asking myself: what do I have to offer folks? What can I give you of genuine value? I keep looking for more. Keep looking deep inside myself for what sort of soil, plantings, thrivings grow there. What can I offer that is genuinely helpful? (as opposed to bullshit helpful which most self-help stuff is- sorry to be so negative, but oh lord, the bullshit out there these days.)
Maybe this sounds crazy, but my focus these days is on a couple of things: how do I stay alive with food and shelter while I live out this thing that drives me, this holistic push, this insane drive for wholeness, this surrender to the riptide of evolution, this waking up that is also annihilation, this losing that is winning, this Yesness, this thing that has eaten any real chance of kids or family or success or husband or career.
And yet I feel so incredibly joyful, no that's too dramatic, how I feel so Yes. That's how I feel. I make $30 for ten hours of work and I feel so dang good that I got to spend two hours with these amazing women. I think of the upcoming four classes in August and I get a dadgum woody thinking about who might show up, what we might talk about, what might happen.
And so I just keep doing what I feel to. Grateful for the lack of brakes that others seem to have in their world. Grateful for the willingness to ride this all into the horizon, be it abyss or rainbow or oceanic suckhole or hidden island of lusciousness that awaits me.
In all it's wonderfulness and awfulness, don't you just love your life?
How hilarious and gorgeous and amazing it all is . . .