After many months of structure and intensity and driving myself like a $2 mule, the things that I Have To Show Up for have dwindled and in response, I have changed forms. I have liquified, only moving back into a solid when I have to get to the kitchen for a snack or leave the house for some work or to rent more videos. I have had four days off in the past week and other than flow back and forth between kitchen and couch, I have done nothing. The apartment is Seriously Not Clean. Furry tumbleweeds roam freely. The car is a road salty funky mess. No plans have been sorted out for spring. The naturopathic medicine course that I need to finish is untouched. I haven’t been to the woods for a walk, the streets for a run, or the dozens of others things that a normal person in a solid form would be doing. But it's not my fault. I'm in liquid form and it just isn't possible.
It all started on my first day off, the day before xmas. I had worked at The Hip Tech Company the night before until almost 1 in the morning and was utterly exhausted. I had a client who was having a bit of feng shui crisis and I'd agreed to a phone consult the next morning at 9:30. At 8:30 I crawled out of bed and got myself awake and alert. At 9:30 I made the call to find that she had changed her plans and wanted to speak another time. And at that point, liquification began.
I stayed solid enough to get myself to the video store for 3 dvds of the tv series 24. That's 12 episodes: nine hours of tv. I watched most of that the first day, though at about two in the afternoon, I slipped into a nap. The nap was deep and as best I can remember, dreamless, but at several points I surfaced enough to hear my mind tripping through all of the things that needed to get done, and I experienced them as this pull from inside of me, as if these Things To Do were literally trying to pull me out of my body. Each time, something sweetly dark and deep would rise up and say: Beingness. And this Sweet Dark and Deep would radiate out and all of the cords to the Things would fall away and I would slip back into sleep. It was luscious relief.
The second day was xmas and I spent some time in the morning Iming with a friend and then back to the couch and dvds. Over the next few days I watched all 24 episodes of 24 along with several movies. Last night, after a day at the Hip Tech Co, I did a phone consult, then went back to the couch to start on 24's season two.
Actually, there is one thing I have been doing. Making hats. In the past few days I have been in somewhat of a low-grade hat frenzy and have completed four and am on a fifth. Simple hats. Crocheted. Soft, iridescent yarns in oceanic blues, tilled-earth browns, autumn leaf shades, and shades of ripe cherries. They are a sort of ode to my Beingness, and the one thing I have Done as I go through this time of Life As A Liquid.
I have a couple of sessions today, and some Hip Tech Co work over the next couple of days, but next week I have less than 20 hours of work and I so look forward to more liquidity, and a gentle return to the world of Being Solid.